1. PLANET KRYPTON

All the buildings are in the sky, which is orange.  We are told that the planet will soon explode.  Russell Crowe puts his son, baby Superman, on a spaceship to safety.  Not completely clear why nobody else can join him. Some baddies stage a failed coup and as punishment are put on another spaceship to safety before everything explodes.  Head Baddie vows to kill Superman because he has a magic amulet or something.

 

2. A BAR

Adult Superman defends a young lady's honour.  Bully pushes him with all his might but he is immoveable like a statue.  Anyone who's ever misjudged a flight of stairs knows that this should have broken the bully's arms. Instead, he taunts Superman until he goes home.

 

3. A SCHOOL BUS

Child Superman, though athletic and handsome, is being heckled by a ginger asthmatic.  Bus falls in the river. Child Superman drags it to shore.  Ginger Asthmatic is humbled.  Everyone goes home.

 

4. ALASKA OR SOMEWHERE

Surprisingly Unattractive Lois Lane arrives at a military base.  Head military man Mark Strong doesn't want her sniffing around as they study an old submarine.  But she's headstrong so it's OK.  She discovers that it's not a submarine but a spaceship, and climbs aboard, which is also OK.  Superman is there, and so is Russell Crowe, but he's a ghost.  There's also a robot, who attacks her.  But Superman saves her.  She leaves and the spaceship flies off.

 

5. THE DAILY PLANET OFFICE / NEW YORK

Plain Lane's newspaper editor boss is Morpheus.  He either doesn't believe her story or finds it offensive.  In any case, he's angry.  Superman's adoptive father kills himself.

 

6. THE SPACESHIP / EXOTIC LANDS

Superman has an unemotional reunion with his ghost father.  Receives his costume.  Destroys a mountain. Startles some wildebeest.  Goes home..

 

7.  SPACE

The baddies use science to steer their prison ship towards Earth.

 

8.  NEW YORK / SPACE

The baddies arrive and demand Superman.  Even Chinese people are inconvenienced.  Superman agrees to surrender himself because he's great.  They also want Lois Lane.  She also agrees because she's as clueless as the audience as to just what in the hey is going on here.  Everyone flies off.  Though this should be the end, Head Baddie decides to reveal his plan to destroy Earth, and gets violent.  Superman loses his powers. Ghost Russell Crowe instructs Lois Lane to shoot some baddies who have also lost their powers.  They all crash back to Earth, get their powers back, and continue to fight.  Superman instructs people to head indoors for their safety, then proceeds to smash through and demolish dozens of buildings, surely killing them.  Head Baddie realises Russell Crowe has used science to fuse the magical amulet with Superman's DNA.  Wants to kill him even more.  But Superman punches his helmet and he loses his powers.  Half an hour of shaky-cam explosions, Morpheus being a hero, Ginger Asthmatic still looking humble.  Head Baddie gets his powers back. Some people crash Russell Crowe's spaceship into the baddies' spaceship to kill them all with science.  They all die except Head Baddie.  Head Baddie is unfazed and continues trying to kill everyone else.  10 minutes of fighting. Head Baddie sheds his robot armour and becomes Dark Superman.  10 minutes of fighting in the air. Superman wins.  Kisses Lois Lane for some reason.

 

9. NEW YORK (A FEW MONTHS LATER)

Superman puts on some glasses and walks into a job as a journalist.

 

 

THE END